For me, the search for truth came in the form of questions. It is not hard to answer questions when armed with the answers. But I had no answers. That didn’t go over very well with my captors. They demanded answers, but I could not give what I did not have.
“Get a confession.”
Some of the truth was revealed to me long after my captors were dead and buried. Now that I know what they were looking for, I have a deeper understanding of their curiosity and amazement as well as their doubt, fear and panic. Too little, too late.
No matter how many ways I said it, no matter how many times I cried out, they were not satisfied with “I have not entered into a Contract with the Devil.”
When I couldn’t offer up any answers, the fires were lit and the tortures began. Even as my physical body was broken, my soul remained (relatively) clear.
They had their orders and they were very creative in carrying them out. In the hands of professionals, torture can last a very, very long time. They got their confession. I knew it was a lie, but at that point I would have confessed to making the sun burn if they had “asked.”
I have great respect for the Inquisitors of that time. They were armed only with their knowledge of Spirits and Humors (as well as knives, spikes, depravation and fire). In today’s age of medical knowledge, torture can last indefinitely with drug concoctions, shock paddles, CPR, and IV Drips.
During torture, your body rushes with adrenaline, emotions flare, and the pain is unbearable. Yet the body adapts. The brain shuts off all communication between itself and the nerve endings. But while the tortured body does heal, a broken will has no splint. Once the soul is scarred and broken, the real Hell breaks loose.
The mind is smart enough to shut itself off from physical pain, but it has a harder time letting go of itself when the soul is in peril. My soul bears scars that have not healed, even after all this time.
I will not let that happen to me again. I will find this mysterious letter writer, and I will make sure that no one discovers my secret ever again.
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